There is no more important aspect of Christian cultural engagement than supporting, strengthening, and advancing the family. After all, the single, most reliable predictor of a child’s long-term success is being raised by a married, biological mom and dad. In other words, God’s design for family.  

Often, stating this statistical truth elicits a good bit of feedback, especially from advocates of same-sex “marriage” and LGBTQ parenting. They insist that “love makes a family,” as if calling alternative relational arrangements “a family” makes it so. It does not, because, to counter another repeated myth, love is not love. Heterosexual love is procreative. Homosexual love is not.  

Recently, when making that point in a Breakpoint commentary, an adoptive couple rightly asked for additional clarity. If love is not sufficient to make a family, what about adoptive love? Is an adopting family not a family? 

To be clear, love is not enough to make a family, but married adoptive love is as close to God’s love as humanly possible. Adoption is beautiful. The Colson Center has advocated for adoption and adoptive families for decades, including against legal obstacles to adoption. It is the duty of Christians to adopt when possible, or at the very least support those who do. 

The Bible is wonderfully clear on this. Other than the crowning image of husband and wife, the Bible describes God’s love for His people as adoption more than anything else. While Scripture teaches that all human beings are made in His image and occasionally describes all people as His offspring, Scripture reserves “children of God” for His people alone. And it is by adoption that we become His children. 

God adopted Israel out of all the peoples of the Earth to be His own, and Paul declared in Romans 8: 

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ. 

The Apostle John beautifully wrote in 1 John 3: “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.” 

There are few acts that Christians can perform to better imitate the love of God than take a child into their homes. To provide love and identity within the context of a broken family situation is an amazing act of love, one that brings healing to brokenness and light into darkness. 

Yet, this love has a shape that reflects God’s design for the family and Christ’s work of redemption. It’s a love primarily concerned with the wellbeing of the child, not just the self-esteem of the adults. Certain kinds of love “make a family,” but not all. In love, adoption-advocates bring strangers into a family, but it’s not just because of some subjective sense of affection or desire. 

Love is not love. More accurately, not everything called love is. Adulterous “love” is not the love of marital fidelity. Abusive love isn’t love. Incestuous love isn’t love. Love that ignores the existence of men and women, moms and dads, isn’t love. As Ryan T. Anderson often puts it, kids don’t just need parents. They need a mom and a dad. 

In a perfect world, there’d be no need for adoption. Children would be raised by their biological parents—parents who remain committed to each other and to their kids. But this isn’t a perfect world. Couples, or even at times singles, who give a child a home restore some of our lost perfection. They perform a remarkable act of what can be truly called love: a self-giving love that is like God’s love. 

This Breakpoint was co-authored by Dr. Timothy Padgett. If you’re a fan of Breakpoint, leave a review on your favorite podcast app. For more resources to live like a Christian in this cultural moment, go to breakpoint.org.